1. The “New Car Smell” of Love Fades

• In the beginning, your partner’s laugh, texts, even the way they chew seems magical.
• A year later? The same laugh can feel normal, or worse, irritating.
• That’s hedonic adaptation: your brain stops firing dopamine at the familiar, even if it’s still wonderful.

👉 In therapy, I tell couples: “Don’t confuse fading novelty with fading love.” Your brain’s wiring is playing a trick, not announcing a death sentence.

2. Comparison Creeps In

• You start looking at other couples on Instagram or your friend’s marriage and wonder: “Shouldn’t we be more exciting, more passionate, more adventurous?”
• The treadmill turns love into a race against imaginary competitors.

👉 Antidote: Compare less, notice more. The joy in your relationship often hides in the small daily rituals — the private jokes, the way you split chores, the glance across the room that says, “We’re in this together.”

3. The “I’ll Be Happy When…” Trap

• Couples fall into: “We’ll be happy when we move,” “when the kids are older,” “when we finally take that trip.”
• This pushes happiness into the future — while the present feels like a waiting room.

👉 Real connection happens in the messy now, not in the idealized “someday.”

4. Sex and Intimacy Plateau

• Passion naturally spikes in the early phase and then levels out. The treadmill makes people panic: “Why don’t I feel that constant spark anymore? Something’s wrong with us.”
• In reality, long-term intimacy thrives less on constant novelty and more on curiosity, play, and safety.

👉 Think less fireworks every night, more steady candlelight that doesn’t burn down the house.

5. How to Step Off the Relationship Treadmill

• Gratitude in Love: Say out loud what you appreciate about your partner regularly — not just in your head.
• Novelty Together: Try new experiences as a couple. Even silly ones (cooking a cuisine you’ve never attempted, dancing in the living room).
• Savor the Ordinary: Pause and notice the comfort of your partner’s presence — the way they breathe next to you at night, or the fact that they still bring you coffee.
• Connection Before Correction: Arguments soften when you remember the bond matters more than winning.
• Laugh at the Trick Together: When you both feel “meh” about each other, name it: “Oh look, our caveman brains are bored again. Let’s go mess with them.”

The big takeaway:
In relationships, the hedonic treadmill convinces you that normal = dull. But “normal” is where love actually lives. The secret is to keep pulling your attention back to connection, curiosity, and gratitude — instead of waiting for the next high.

Sincerely,

Ross Grossman, MA, LMFT
Affinity Therapy Services

http://www.affinitytherapyservices.com