A Scientifically-Backed Rant About Why “Follow Your Passion” Is Bullshit

The moment you realize passion isn’t coming to save you, you delusional potato

So Carol Dweck walks into her Stanford classroom—already she’s doing better than most of you—and asks her students, “How many of you are waiting to find your passion?” And these kids, these STANFORD kids who are supposedly smart, all raised their hands with “dreamy looks in their eyes.” Dreamy looks! Like they’re waiting for passion to arrive like a TIDAL WAVE. “Sploosh. Huzzah! It’s accounting!”

Oh REALLY? Did you think your life’s purpose was going to announce itself like a UPS delivery? “Knock knock! Here’s your passion! Sign here please!” You’re just sitting there waiting for the universe to mail you a career? That’s adorable.

Current status: Waiting for passion while filling out TPS reports

Here’s what Dweck told them, and I’m paraphrasing only slightly: “I hate to burst your balloon, but it doesn’t usually happen that way.” Which is the academic equivalent of “Wake the fuck up.”

“The term ‘Follow your passion’ has increased ninefold in English books since 1990.”

Ninefold! You know what else has increased ninefold since 1990? Disappointment. Unemployment among liberal arts majors. People who tell you they’re “finding themselves” while living in their parents’ basement. Oh, you’re FINDING yourself? Cool! Check under the couch—that’s where everything else that’s lost ends up.

“Wait, you mean I have to actually WORK at the thing I like?”

THERAPIST TIMEOUT: As an LMFT, let me translate what’s happening here in clinical terms: You’re experiencing what we call “magical thinking,” which is adorable in a five-year-old and pathetic in a grown adult. You’re waiting for external validation of an internal experience that doesn’t exist yet because you haven’t done the work to create it. In layman’s terms: You’re stuck. And you’re CHOOSING to stay stuck because being stuck is easier than being scared.

Paul O’Keefe, a psychology professor at Yale, describes students who hop from lab to lab “like they’re on some kind of passion Tinder,” swiping left on anything that doesn’t give them an immediate dopamine hit. “It’s this idea that if I’m not completely overwhelmed by emotion when I walk into a lab, then it won’t be my passion or my interest.”

Oh, I’m sorry, you need to be OVERWHELMED BY EMOTION to study fruit flies? You need orchestral music to swell when you open a chemistry textbook? What are you, the main character in a movie? Life isn’t a rom-com! Nobody’s gonna slow-motion run toward you with your perfect career in their arms!

Here’s your career! Special Delivery!

Not.

Here’s what the research actually shows, and this is from a study in Psychological Science, which is a real journal and not something I made up—and trust me, I’m fascinated by this—there are two types of people. Those with a “fixed theory of interests”—people who think their passion is buried in their DNA like some kind of professional treasure hunt—and those with a “growth theory,” who understand that interests are cultivated like, I don’t know, a garden? Hygiene? Basic human competence?

“If passions are things found fully formed, and your job is to look around the world for your passion—it’s a crazy thought.”

Greg Walton from Stanford put it perfectly: “It doesn’t reflect the way I or my students experience school, where you go to a class and have a lecture or a conversation, and you think, That’s interesting.” THAT’S interesting! Not “THAT’S MY DESTINY!” Just… interesting. And then you invest in it. You develop it. Like an adult.

Shocking news: This is what developing passion actually looks like

The researchers did this beautiful, sadistic experiment. They showed students a fun video about black holes—Stephen Hawking, cool graphics, the works. Students loved it! “Ooh, black holes are my passion now!” Then they gave them an actual academic article about black holes from the journal Science. You know, with equations and stuff. And the students who believed in the “fixed theory” immediately bailed. “Nope, guess black holes aren’t my passion after all!”

IT’S BEEN FIVE MINUTES! You gave up on BLACK HOLES—literal tears in the fabric of space and time—because you had to read something difficult! That’s INSANE! That’s like saying “I love pizza” and then refusing to chew! Are you KIDDING me right now?!

“This is hard, therefore it cannot be my passion” – An actual thought process people have

CLINICAL OBSERVATION: What we’re witnessing here is a defense mechanism called “avoidance.” When things get difficult, the fixed-mindset person experiences cognitive dissonance: “If this were really my passion, it would be easy.” So they quit. And then they wonder why nothing feels fulfilling. It’s a beautiful cycle of self-sabotage that keeps therapists like me in business, so… thanks, I guess?

Here’s my favorite part: Students with a fixed mindset thought pursuing their passion would provide “endless motivation.” ENDLESS. Like passion is an all-you-can-eat buffet of enthusiasm. “I’ll never be tired! I’ll never be bored! I’ll never want to watch Netflix instead of working on my passion!”

You know who has endless motivation? NOBODY. Not even people doing what they love. ESPECIALLY not people doing what they love, because loving something means pushing through when it’s hard, not just showing up when it’s fun. You think Michelangelo was THRILLED every single day painting that ceiling? “Oh boy! Another day of neck pain and Pope Julius asking if I’m done yet! Living the dream!”

Plot twist: Even passion involves being tired and questioning your life choices

Paul O’Keefe’s been playing guitar for 25 years. His abilities haven’t improved much in the last 10. But he still does it. That’s passion! It’s not about being great. It’s not about endless motivation. It’s about showing up anyway.

And before you think this is just about college kids, the researchers made it clear: Adults do this too. “You could not know the first thing about cancer, but if your mother gets cancer, you’re going to be an expert in it pretty darn quick.” Passion isn’t found. It’s born out of necessity, curiosity, investment, and actually caring about something beyond your own immediate comfort.

Because this whole thing is fascinating when you really look at it. People are literally sabotaging their own potential happiness because they believe in a fairy tale about how interests work. It’s like watching someone refuse to eat because they’re waiting for food that tastes good without any seasoning or preparation.

Turns out passionate people just look like people… working. Crazy, right?

“People who have not found their perfect fit in a career can take heart—there is more than one way to attain passion for work.”

Another study found that people who think passions are developed “grow to fit their vocations better over time.” They don’t need the perfect job that sparks joy from day one. They BUILD the passion. Like adults. Like people who understand that life isn’t a Meg Ryan rom-com where you lock eyes with your soulmate career across a crowded room.

And the whole “find your passion” thing has become an INDUSTRY. There are COACHES for this! People paying actual money to other people to help them “discover” what they like! You know how you find out what you like? YOU TRY STUFF. And then you keep doing it even when it gets boring! Groundbreaking!

THE THERAPEUTIC BOTTOM LINE: If you’re waiting for passion to find you, you’re engaging in what we call “learned helplessness” with a side of “external locus of control.” You’ve convinced yourself that meaning, purpose, and fulfillment are things that happen TO you rather than things you actively create. This is the mindset of someone who’s given up before they’ve even tried. And frankly? That’s sad as hell. But it’s fixable. You just have to do the work. Which is exactly what you’re avoiding. See the problem?

So here’s your homework, and unlike your passion, this assignment is actually going to show up: Stop waiting. Stop “finding yourself.” Stop acting like there’s some cosmic job fair where your true calling is going to tap you on the shoulder.

Pick something. Anything. Something that seems even mildly interesting. And then—and here’s the radical part—KEEP DOING IT EVEN WHEN IT’S HARD. Develop it. Cultivate it. Invest in it. Build competence. Build knowledge. Build calluses, for crying out loud.

Because here’s what nobody wants to tell you: The people who “found their passion”? They MADE IT UP. They picked something, got good at it, and THEN decided it was their passion. That’s how it works! Sorry to ruin the fairy tale!

Your passion at 2 AM: Still just you, coffee, and commitment

Because as Carol Dweck said, “‘Find your passion’ felt more democratic. Everybody can have an interest.” And she’s right. Everybody CAN. The question is: Will you?

Or are you going to keep waiting for that tidal wave, sitting on the beach of your life, watching everyone else learn to surf while you’re still taking personality quizzes?

And those quizzes? WORTHLESS. All of them. “You should be a forest ranger because you like the color green!” That’s not career guidance, that’s a horoscope with worse predictions.

Your passion isn’t going to find you.

But you might find it if you stop waiting and start building.

The End.

POST-SCRIPT FROM YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD THERAPIST: If this article made you uncomfortable, good. Discomfort is where growth happens. Your amygdala is firing right now because I’ve challenged a belief system you’ve been using as an excuse for years. That’s called “cognitive restructuring,” and it costs $200 an hour in my office. You got it for free. You’re welcome. Now go develop something.

Sincerely,

Ross Grossman, MA, LMFT
Affinity Therapy Services

http://www.affinitytherapyservices.com