WHY FALLING IN LOVE IS SO EASY WHEN YOU TRAVEL:

Can Intercontinental Love stand the test of time?

According to a 2014 survey from Intrepid Travel, at least 10% of travelers find love while traveling.

What is it about planes, trains and automobiles…about vacations and trips far away that leads to feelings of love and lust?

Freedom and Risk:

Studies have shown that some people with ‘wanderlust’ may, in fact, have a surplus of the brain chemical dopamine. While excess amounts of this chemical may lead to compulsive behaviors like gambling and addiction, it can also lead to the travel compulsion.

Evolutionary biologists and psychologists see this ‘travel bug’ as possibly necessary for early man and woman’s survival.  Early people had to leave home, to explore territory for food, mates and shelter. Society has advanced but our brains may not have yet caught up.

Of course, anytime you travel outside your comfort zone, there is an increasing possibility of risk.

But there are more elements that lead to that amorous feeling.

Sunshine:

When you are leaving your comfort zone (usually indoors) and go traveling, you start to soak up more of the sun’s rays. Experts believe sun increases the amount of serotonin–and this boosts mood, focus, and feelings of calm.

Relaxation Time:

Without a highly structured agenda filled with responsibilities, the perception of self-determination and freedom increases. Feeling free promotes even further relaxation which may reduce stress hormones, like cortisol. This can lead to more confidence and optimism.

And with more time for relaxing and recovering, the body and mind are primed for a little bit of frisky fun.

Breaking out of Routine:

You’re off the grid, you’ve broken away from the mundane day-to-day tasks, you’re outside the grind.

The Travel Friend Filter:

Why do we stay stuck in our small social cliques when at home but make fast friends and sometimes lovers when we go away? Part of the reason is what I call “The Travel Friend Filter” Simply by choosing to travel to a certain part of the world, you have made a choice that is similar to others who made that choice. You now have something very much in common with all the travelers going to that destination. It’s highly likely that you both have the same kind of curiosity about some of the same experiences and places. Thus you’ve already filtered in potential mates merely by choosing what interests you and filtered out all those whose interests are not the same as yours.

With travel, you are choosing a specific type of experience, a location, a tour group, a region to explore and you end up with people very much like yourself!

Additionally, you get the added joy of Shared Discovery, where you are both being amazed and enlightened at the same time with what you encounter in this new culture and destination. This creates a heightened emotional bond.

Talk Time:

With relaxation time comes Talk Time. Like the two eventual lovers in Before Sunrise, there is an accelerated sense of friendship because you have more time to converse and explore discussion than during a normal week back home. Whether its a 23-hour plane flight to Asia or a 5-hour bus ride to Tijuana, you have time to get to know one another.

Positive Stress:

 Research from McKendree University in Illinois found that people with higher levels of adrenaline are more likely to find people more attractive. When put in a new environment, people often experience ‘positive stress’ that raises their adrenaline levels

Sharing Heightened and Unusual Experiences:

Waking up at weird times to catch flights? Alone in a hostel room with a bunch of strangers? Lost in an unfamiliar city? These can all contribute to finding more intimate connections with the people around you.

A Fresh Start–A New You:

Often when traveling, you are able to throw off the shackles of your associates, friends, and relatives who may have an inflexible view of who you are. Like living in a small town, once you get a particular reputation, its hard to change people’s perceptions. Whether you’re the good girl or bad boy, when traveling you have a ‘do-over,’ an opportunity to start over and to behave in the way you truly wish to be perceived. You may have a certain way of behaving to meet other’s expectations that you can discard when you travel. This can lead to more confidence and optimism when meeting new people–they don’t have your life resume. You can rewrite your story.

Confidence is Reinforced by Adventure:

By stepping outside the comfort zone and stepping into (personally) uncharted territory, you are creating a metaphor. The metaphor of Adventure. With each successive step into the unknown, you gain more confidence in doing new and unusual things, having varied and wide-ranging experiences.

This, in turn, leads to a feeling of openness to the new friendship and possibly love.

So here you are, you’re relaxed, you’ve got some color from the sun, you’re open to adventure, you’re feeling the confidence…what better time to connect with a potential lover?

Increased Imbibing:

When you aren’t going to work the next morning, the temptation to imbibe in alcohol or other mind-altering substances increases. This lowers inhibitions even further for ‘adventure.’

Relative Anonymity:

In general, women who gain a sense of anonymity while traveling–the sense that no one is tracking their personal behavior–feel freer to engage in the sexually adventurous behavior. Why? Because women have historically been condemned for open sexuality and casual mating choices. And the idea that they may never see their foreign lover again adds to the idea that no one will be around to judge them later on.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder:

For some, there is safety in knowing that your foreign lover cannot follow you back home. The distance and the obstructions to a permanent relationship are what fuels the free-flowing sexuality. Because there is no long-term commitment, no responsibility you feel freer to express yourself openly, without strategizing or game playing.

Caution: Beware the Travel Romance:

Because you are meeting others while you are in a heightened, adventurous and relaxed state and in new, stimulating surroundings, you may mistakenly confuse this experience with a typical romantic love. This can make you particularly vulnerable. And a little bit ‘drunk on love.’

Remember that the ‘love hormone’ oxytocin is secreted when we are ‘in love.’ This can make you feel loving and generous but it can also prevent you from using caution and make you easy prey to deceptive people

Is your potential lover talking a lot about money? Is there an implication that they need a visa? Don’t neglect your intuition.

And too, remember that a summer fling is not the same as a long-term romance. Especially if your lover is overseas, you’ll need to consider family, career, culture, immigration issues–there are many compromises that are not the same as that wistful 3-week vacation where there were ‘no rules.’

 Remember, you aren’t sharing bills, medical problems, laundry, childcare or any number of typical day-to-day problems. It’s almost always all positive.  Remember that when you are in love and on vacation there is so much time to think about and obsess about your new love. Real life doesn’t interfere and so the emotions and the bond can feel even more intense and dreamlike.

And falling in love in this exotic world without rules can only set an unrealistic benchmark that in most cases cannot be achieved on a day-to-day real-world basis. How will preparing for work, using the restroom and watching tv compare to cliff diving, visiting the worlds grandest architecture, and holding a koala in your arms?  And when you cannot be together, how will video calls and texts replace those experiences?

Now if you’re open to a fling, do your thing, but remember–safety first!

Remember that in most tourist-heavy destinations that lotharios and sweet sirens await, knowing there will be a new crop of bumpkins getting off planes and cruise ships every year.

Is it Love or is it Love of Travel? 

Are you in love with history, culture, architecture, nature or are you in love with them? It’s hard to separate.  You may just be in love with traveling.

Sincerely,

Ross Grossman, MA, LMFT

Affinity Therapy Services

https://affinitytherapyservices.blogspot.com/

www.affinitytherapyservices.com 

323-248-9379